The Destructive Power of Clinging and Jealousy

By Adam J. Pearson
Excessive jealousy and clinginess in a relationship reveal more about the person who is feeling them than they do about their partner.  These feelings are born out of a desperate, selfish need to hold onto and control the other person.  This self-centered controlling tendency is antithetical to the spirit of authentic love.  If you truly love and trust someone, then you want only what is best for them and what makes them happy.

Clinging to someone often ironically  makes people tear themselves away all the more strongly; excessive jealousy often ironically pushes the partner away and towards other people who do not hound them with constant suspicion.

If you release your grip on the one you love, this does not mean they will leave you.  Indeed, they tend to appreciate the relief from the pressure and suspicion and to feel more relaxed and comfortable with you than they did before.  Jealousy and clinginess ironically destroy relationships by trying to hold on to them; letting go keeps relationships together without even trying to cling to do so.

The more you hold, the more you push away; the more you release, the more free they feel to stay.

Of course, by ‘let go,’ I don’t mean “stop caring and making efforts to nourish the relationship.” If you stop caring for your partner and cease making efforts to nourish the relationship, it likely won’t stay afloat for long.  A flower unwatered shrivels and dies.  By all means care, but release your grip.  If your efforts to keep the relationship going are driven by desperate clinging, that desperation will drain both you and your partner.  But if you relax your gripp on the relationship, it becomes much easier to sustain.

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